52 Films by Women Vol 8. 27. The French Italian (Director: Rachel Wolther)

 

Pictured: Doug (Aristotle Athari, seated centre) tells the story about how he and Valerie (Catherine Cohen) were forced to flee their rent stabilised Upper West Side apartment in the New York City-set comedy, 'The French Italian', written and directed by Rachel Wolther. Still courtesy of Mirmade Films.

The French Italian is one of those quirky New York City comedies that you start to watch on a streaming service then decide fifteen minutes in that it is really time to send out those funeral invites. It focuses on the righteous indignation (read: narcissistic entitlement) of an Upper West Side career indifferent couple (read: how did they ever meet?) who decide to avenge their forced retreat from a rent stabilized apartment. This being a modest budget New York comedy (no mobile phones were used for the capturing of performance), they decide to take their revenge when they find out that their torturer, Mary Dancyger (Chloe Cherry) is an aspiring actress who is on Instagram and has posted her email address online (social no no). Why not invite her to an audition and then confront her? Well, because to fake a professional engagement must be illegal, right? But if you don’t have a high concept, just pursue a ‘why’ concept. This is the driving force behind writer-director Rachel Wolther’s feature debut, featuring Catherine Cohen and Aristotle Athari as Valerie and Doug, two sit com characters waiting for the right vehicle.

The film begins at a party because nothing says that you’re supposed like the main characters as situating them within a large friendship group. Valerie and Doug have brought biscuits, prompting the limited emotional response, ‘oh my God, did you bake them yourselves?’ We see them take two shop-bought boxes and arrange the contents on a plate before sealing their creation with clingfilm. And that is how you signify authenticity. Just when they think they are the centre of attention, a young woman runs in and passes them by to embrace a girlfriend. In New York, friendship groups have replaced psychiatrists, as you can indulge a desire for excessive punctuation marks in WhatsApp groups or similar. I wondered whether there might be a market for an app called ‘Buddy Check’, where you review the online presence across a range of platforms of former friends who might need some help right now. You then reach out in an old school, in-person manner, since their posts might be negative or non-existent. It takes an unamusing American comedy to make me wonder whether I’m in the wrong profession.

Desperate to recapture their friends’ attention, Valerie and Doug, the former who has just lost her job but now was another one, the latter works from home, tell the story of the downstairs neighbour who is attached to his bong. He’s quiet and inoffensive. Then Mary arrives (with a dog). When they hear ‘La Bamba’, Doug sticks his head out of the window hoping to catch sight of Lou Diamond Phillips. Doesn’t he know how old that movie is? Moreover, it is daytime karaoke among two people, not even among strangers who afterwards don’t respond to your emails. Then the rows start. Mary shatters his bong. He responds by breaking a plant pot. The inevitable happens. The guy spots Doug looking out of the window. Yet he does not hammer on the door.

The violent rows dissuade Doug, who has put his jacket on – three quarter zip for good measure – from responding. He and Valerie debate whether the arguing counts as abuse. Sometimes the police side with the abuser. An extremely serious issue is dealt with as a means of signalling in-action. So of course they have to move.

Their friends are incredulous. Don’t Valerie and Doug realise that that they will never get a rent-stabilized apartment ever again? It is only after Valerie mentions Mary’s name that they find her social media presence and wheels whir in motion.

In what world is faking an audition a good idea? Valerie’s friend Wendy (Ruby McCollister) is the enabler. An aspiring actress, she knows a rehearsal space. Valerie and Doug pretend to be theatre producers, which of course requires them to look awkward. Wendy gives the set-up some structure, suggesting that Mary perform her monologue to camera. Mary’s performance is emotionally uncommitted. Not exactly atonal, but if she voiced public service announcements, you might think her commands were optional. Valerie and Doug are uncertain. Mary is uncertain. The idea of inflecting a humiliation seems far away. Yet, they continue, offering Mary a part, inviting her to a second rehearsal and explaining how she’ll be paid.

There is an amusing moment when the company overstays its use of the rehearsal space, to be ejected by a group of clowns, who are instructed, atonally, to get funny. Mostly, we are conscious of the expensive nature of this prank. If Mary is hired, Wendy is too. Doug and Valerie have some serious costs to meet.

The action is set against Valerie starting her new job where she is visited by her boss and two women who pierce her with judgmental eyes; her boss tells her to clean up her desk. Each scene in which Valerie is told to do her job (‘was that a personal call?) is more painful than the last, not least when her boss explains the difference between his work self and his other self, in which he can hold a note, and then another note. These scenes felt like padding. By contrast, we know very little about what Doug does for a living, even as he exclaims during the karaoke sessions that he cannot ‘live’ like this.

‘What’s my role? What’s the name of the play?’ Mary constantly brings the ‘prank’ back to reality. Somehow or other a script is drafted by two non-writers, although as someone later remarks, it sounds like it is written by AI.

In the rehearsals, Mary acts out scenes between the downstairs neighbour and her dog, played by Wendy. A third actor, Joe (Ikechukwu Ufomadu) is cast. He sounds more atonal than Mary.

At this point, what I took from the production is that there are a lot of untalented actors in New York, whose alleged love of theatre doesn’t translate into performance. The French Italian actually makes the case for Artificial Intelligence.

The action is interrupted by a trip to Zabar’s, located at 2245 Broadway on the Upper West Side. I’d never heard of it, veering more towards Trader Joe’s during my visits to NYC. The coffee served as you wait in line to pay - I miss that. The commercial endorsement is so blatant that the film doesn’t just lean into it, it gives it a smothering hug.

There is a point at which the whole enterprise might be derailed, when Valerie visits Mary’s furniture-lite apartment, complete with demented artwork – a depiction of Valerie and Doug with their heads separated from their bodies. Valerie decides to put her otherwise obsolete knowledge of the NATO alphabet to good use. ‘Mary is Charlie Romeo Alpha Zulu Yankee.’ A joke that isn’t even funny on paper. When Valerie is late for rehearsal, Wendy presses Doug with questions, almost coming on to him. At points, the film is as random as the rehearsal sessions that Doug and Valerie oversee.

Incredibly, they name the play, based on a blend of coffee. Shakespeare was unfortunate not to have the same point of reference, otherwise he might have written, ‘If it is done, when ‘tis done, there’ll be a fresh pot in the morning.’  Valerie and Doug get to opening night. Mary has a special guest in her dressing room.

The film has its own deus es machina, which happily does not promote the sale of pastries. The finale is the only moment that brought a laughter-induced tear to my eye as Ufomadu comes into his own. The coda is: Dough and Valerie are theatre people now. What do they do for a follow up? Answer: fret about the delayed commute.

The French Italian celebrates the random nature of career change, of lucking out, of chasing the wrong dream and discovering yourself. Also of getting fired for neglecting your day job. I recalled Aristotle Athari as a cast member of Saturday Night Live but cannot recall any of his sketches. It turns out there’s a whole community concerned by the same observation. Catherine Cohen is likable, has comic timing if not the material. She and Athari make a credible couple. Nevertheless, the film comes across as an over-stretched sit-com episode rather than a comedy that explores real anxieties. It is low stakes in a world where the actual stakes are getting ever higher.

Reviewed at München International Film Festival, Hochschule für Fernsehen und Film, München, Screen Two, Friday 5th July 2024, 14:30 screening.